Even though it wasn’t too late by the time Ben got home, he still found Thera asleep when he arrived, no doubt still tired from trying to raise that one skill, along with her more personal practice she’d done throughout the day.

It didn’t seem like she had any intention of waking up either so he did his best not to disturb her, and with it looking like Sonya was going to be spending the night with his teacher, he prepared himself a simpler meal than he normally would before turning in early for the night and forcing his mind up to his god’s realm, where the other three were already waiting.

“Good evening my lovelies,” He greeted them positively. “Who’s up for a fun evening of everyone's favourite? That’s right, we’re talking about research!”

“You are way too enthusiastic about this,” Myriad said with a shake.

“I haven’t touched the summoning spell or the mystery one in ages at this point, I need to get back to it. Tomorrow I should head over to the center too and see if Kufno has anything new for me. At the very least, they should have gotten through some of the brute forcing they’ve been trying to do, but for now, without further ado…”

He brought up both the summoning spell as well as the mystery one from the archive and looked the two over briefly before sighing in contentment.

“Oh yeah, just the break I needed.”

“Only a maniac would consider that a break,” His god muttered as Ben examined one of the spell structures he’d just brought forth, eyeing it for just a second before separating out two seemingly random sections from the summoning one and tossing them to the side so he could stare at what remained, leaving the gods with him to wonder what he was doing.

“Ben? What was that about?” Helori asked, looking at the banished segments in an attempt to understand the thought process behind the act.

“Hmm? What’s what about?” He asked in return, still focusing on the majority of it he had left.

“The part you just threw away?”

“Oh, that? There’s just no point in wasting time on solved segments, is there? Better to focus on the bits we still need to figure out.”

“I’m sorry, what the hell do you mean, solved segments?”

“The section for opening up a reality and the one for protecting anyone traveling through the chaos. Come on guys, focus here.”

It was what he wanted to do at least as he directed his eyes at the massive amount that remained, but after a few moments of silence where the three gods quietly looked between themselves, Myriad was the one who spoke up.

“Ben, focus on me for a minute and explain. How could you possibly be so sure of that?”

“What do you mean, I-”

How do I know that?

The second he’d seen it in front of him he took it to be a solved problem, one that wasn’t even worth thinking about when there was still more to discover, but he had no reason to feel so certain of that fact. So why was it so self-evident to him even then as he looked back at the two segments, trying to understand his deeper thought processes, only for echoes to light up in his head.

As he looked at them, each of his minds started to ring, flashing out scenes of the unnatural monster that had invaded their reality, his glimpses into the infinite hells, and most of all, the primordial chaos he’d stared into as he was violently forced from the realm, pulled back down by his body as it started to heave and only giving him just enough time to run from bed to find a place to vomit before he started to calm down.

Don’t think about it.

…No, I need to actually think about this. But in a couple minutes.

Those were a couple minutes that he used to clean himself up just a bit and wash out his mouth before slinking off to the couch with a garbage can in hand before forcing his mind back up to face the gods who were watching him with concern.

“Ben, what was that?” Myriad asked him in clear worry, getting an honest but altogether unsatisfying response in exchange.

“I don’t know.”

He didn’t know why his minds had flashed so strongly to the chaos, nor why it had caused such a violent reaction in himself, worse than when he’d even seen it in person, even if one other thought whispered in his ear as he reflected.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Witness of chaos. The statement on his status that was maybe a blessing, even if there was far too much to call it into question for him to accept it as such, no matter where it was placed on his card. Since he’d first gotten it it hadn’t seemed to have any noticeable effect and after eventually bringing it up with Nare and Helori, neither of whom could give him much more help as far as it was concerned, he eventually elected to not worry about it. A choice he was beginning to regret as he explained exactly what happened to the waiting gods, watching all three try to hide their concern.

It was obviously unexpected and since none of them could tell what it was even doing to him there was no way they could just look at it as some simple thing, but without options, Helori tried to take a positive approach to keep from worrying the mortal.

“If we can confirm the information is correct at least then this really is a big breakthrough, that would point to it being positive at least,” She said, trying to raise the moods around her. “So that just leaves verifying.”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Ben nodded. “And I also have the impression that trying to do that is going to leave me barfing even more so let’s get this over with.”

Even though they felt solved to him, Ben stared at the two sections he’d removed, trying to backtrack through the subconscious chain of thoughts that had led to that feeling, with his stomach twisting and warping each time as his mind kept flashing back to the chaos as if the answer for him was there.

It’s not. He told himself as he brought himself back to the realm for the fourth time. It’s in my head and it’s in front of me.

Forcing himself to keep down what little was left in his stomach, he confronted the chaos head-on, letting the feeling of it hit him as he examined the structure, putting together what he could best describe as a soft picture of why he believed what he did. It was built upon assumptions and feelings, but at the same time was all things that he could not only test, but build upon.

“It’s like there’s been some massive change to my subconscious I just haven’t noticed because I haven’t thought about the primordial chaos,” He muttered aloud. “It’s like connections have been made in my head amongst things I know, half-know, theorize, and suspect, all of which leads to just one real question.”

“What?” His god wanted to know, with the other two just as eager for the answer.

“Why the hell hasn’t this helped me awaken lesser inspiration?”

“...Ben, be serious here.”

“I am being serious! Lesser inspiration is a skill that acts on the subconscious to help with exactly what I just described, the fact that I’m suddenly making enough connections that I can look at a portion of this spell and have a good idea of what it’s about is huge! Even if I’m only seeing the parts that relate to the chaos this clearly, I should be able to use the stuff this is helping me to figure out to get huge swaths of the rest of the spell. Hell, look at how much smaller the archive spell is, I might be able to figure out its purpose in a few months, a year tops at this rate! All because I suddenly have so much more to work off of! I absolutely should have awakened lesser inspiration with all of that going on!”

“I’d suppose if it’s acting on your mind in a different way from your skill then it might not have done the job,” Nare mused. “But there’s really no way to know for sure. More importantly, now that you’ve been doing this for a while, how are you feeling Ben?”

“Ugh, sick, sore, mentally exhausted in a way that usually takes months of constant work. Also mildly worried about the fact that I only ever gain more changes to my mind. Seriously, I’m beginning to think it might be just me dealing with this sort of stuff.”

“It is just you,” Myriad told him in no uncertain terms. “Literally, not a joke, one hundred percent just you. Who else do you think would possibly have to deal with this much nonsense?”

“I really feel like at least a couple of the other summoned should be having to deal with a certain level of bullshit too.”

“Nobody else on the planet has to deal with a few thousand minds in their heads, let alone has looked into the chaos between realities.”

“Hey now, that’s not exactly right and there’s an idea. What about the gods who’ve actually gone out there? Surely they must have some experience with this, right?”

“Well one, as you’ve already mentioned, a part of the spell is there specifically to protect them, and two, which is important so listen close, there’s a huge difference between the mind of a mortal and a god!”

“Like, is there really though?”

“Maybe not for you,” Helori muttered, even as Myriad went on.

“A big enough one that I’d still fully expect your brain to be fried in any attempt to connect to one.”

“Okay, but I don’t think with my brain, I use my big, juicy soul.”

“And yet my statement still stands.”

“But seeing as that’s not an avenue,” Nare cut in. “It would be best to pursue another. Ben, go see Verbum tomorrow and no matter how long it takes, read through every bit of system information that comes up when he looks at that blessing. Should it take you hours or even days of reading, so be it. It’s become apparent this is something you need proper answers for.”

“Alright, alright, fine, but seeing as how that’s a morning problem, for the time being…”

He gestured broadly as the summoning spell, with his god looking at him in disbelief.

“You can not be serious right now.”

“Hey, even if my minds going to break or I’m going to go insane, this is officially an avenue of progress, a huge one, and with nothing else to do until morning we might as well keep chipping away at this.”

“Until you’re sick again.”

“I’ll eat a big breakfast to make up for it. Besides, whatever answers I get, it’s not like I can just stop working on this forever.”

They wanted to answer that he very much could, the problem was that he wouldn’t but all three knew that wouldn’t sway him, so with nothing else to deter them they went on in their study, even if all were left significantly more worried in the process.